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Losing Hope: A Novel, by Colleen Hoover
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Sometimes in life, in order to move forward you must face the past…
#1 New York Times bestselling author Colleen Hoover held readers spellbound with her novel Hopeless, the story of what happened when a troubled girl named Sky encountered a long-lost childhood friend, Dean Holder. With Holder’s help, Sky uncovered shocking family secrets and came to terms with memories and emotions that had left deep scars.
Hopeless was Sky’s story. Now, in Losing Hope, we finally learn the truth about Dean Holder.
Haunted by the little girl he couldn’t save from imminent danger, Holder’s life has been overshadowed by feelings of guilt and remorse. He has never stopped searching for her, believing that finding her would bring him the peace he needs to move on. However, Holder could not have anticipated that he would be faced with even greater pain the moment they reconnect.
In Losing Hope, Holder reveals the way in which the events of Sky’s youth affected him and his family, leading him to seek his own redemption in the act of saving her. But it is only in loving Sky that he can finally begin to heal himself.
- Sales Rank: #13262 in eBooks
- Published on: 2013-07-08
- Released on: 2013-07-08
- Format: Kindle eBook
From the Author
Colleen Hoover is the New York Times bestselling author of nine novels, including the #1 bestseller, Hopeless. She lives in Texas with her husband and three children. She is the founder of The Bookworm Box, a book subscription service which donates 100% of its profit to charity. She also owns The Bookworm Box, a specialty bookstore located in Sulphur Springs, Tx.
Mrs. Hoover's highly anticipated novel, It Ends With Us, releases August 2nd, 2016 and is currently available for preorder.
Her novel, Ugly Love (2014), has been optioned for film by Hackybox Pictures and is slated to begin filming in 2016, starring Nick Bateman.
You can follow Colleen on her very active Facebook page at facebook.com/authorcolleenhoover and on Instagram and Twitter @colleenhoover
For tour dates or more information, please visit colleenhoover.com.
About the Author
Colleen Hoover is the #1 New York Times bestselling author of Slammed, This Girl, Point of Retreat, Hopeless, Losing Hope, Finding Cinderella, Maybe Someday, Ugly Love, Maybe Not, and Confess. She lives in Texas with her husband and their three boys. Please visit ColleenHoover.com.
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
Losing Hope Chapter One
My heart rate is signaling for me to just walk away. Les has reminded me more than once that it’s not my business. She’s never been a brother before, though. She has no idea how hard it is to sit back and not let it be my business. That’s why, right now, this son-of-a-bitch is my number-one priority.
I slide my hands into the back pockets of my jeans and hope to hell I can keep them there. I’m standing behind the couch, looking down at him. I don’t know how long it’ll take him to notice I’m here. Considering the grip he has on the chick straddling his lap, I doubt he’ll notice for a while. I remain behind them for several minutes while the party continues around us, everyone completely unaware that I’m a fraction away from losing my mind. I would take out my phone so that I’d have evidence, but I couldn’t do that to Les. She doesn’t need a visual.
“Hey,” I finally say, unable to contain my silence a second longer. If I have to watch him palm this chick’s breast one more time without a single ounce of respect for his relationship with Les, I’ll rip his fucking hand off.
Grayson tears his mouth away from hers and tilts his head back, looking up at me with glossed-over eyes. I can see the fear settle in when it clicks—when he finally realizes that the last person he thought would be here tonight actually showed up.
“Holder,” he says, pushing the girl off his lap. He struggles to his feet but can hardly stand up straight. He looks at me pleadingly, pointing at the girl, who’s now adjusting her barely-there skirt. “This isn’t . . . it’s not what it looks like.”
I slide my hands out of my back pockets and fold my arms across my chest. My fist is closer to him now and I have to clench it, knowing how good it would feel to punch his face in.
I look down to the floor and inhale a breath. Then another. And one more just for show, since I’m really enjoying watching him squirm. I shake my head and raise my eyes back to his. “Give me your phone.”
The confusion on his face would be comical if I weren’t so pissed. He laughs and attempts to back up a step, but bumps into the coffee table. He catches himself by pressing his hand onto the glass and straightens back up. “Get your own fucking phone,” he mumbles. He doesn’t look back at me as he maneuvers his way around the coffee table. I calmly walk around the couch and intercept him, holding out my hand.
“Give me your phone, Grayson. Now.”
I’m not really at an advantage sizewise, since we’re about the same build. However, I’m definitely at an advantage if you take my anger into consideration, and Grayson can clearly see that. He takes a step back, which probably isn’t a very smart move considering he’s backing himself straight into the corner of the living room. He fumbles with his pocket and finally pulls out his phone.
“What the hell do you want my phone for?” he says. I grab it out of his hands and dial Les’s number without hitting send. I hand it back to him.
“Call her. Tell her what a bastard you are and end it.”
Grayson looks down at his phone, then back up at me. “Go fuck yourself,” he spits.
I inhale a calming breath, then roll my neck and pop my jaw. When that doesn’t help ease my urge to make him bleed, I reach forward, grab the collar of his shirt and shove him hard against the wall, pinning his neck with my forearm. I remind myself that if I kick his ass before he makes the call, my remaining calm for the past ten minutes will have been pointless.
My teeth are clenched, my jaw is tight, and my pulse is pounding in my head. I’ve never hated anyone more than in this moment. The intensity of what I wish I could do to him right now is even scaring me.
I look him hard in the eyes and let him know how the next few minutes are about to play out. “Grayson,” I say through clenched teeth. “Unless you want me to do what I really want to do to you right now, you will put the phone to your ear, you will call my sister, and you will end it. Then you’re going to hang up the phone and never speak to her again.” I press my arm harder against his neck, taking note of the fact that his face is now redder than his shirt, due to lack of oxygen.
“Fine,” he grumbles, attempting to free himself from the hold I have on him. I wait until he looks down at the phone and hits send before I release my arm and let go of his shirt. He puts the phone to his ear and never stops looking at me as we both stand still and wait for Les to answer.
I know what this will do to her, but she has no idea what he does behind her back. No matter how many times she hears it from other people, he’s somehow able to weasel his way back into her life every time.
Not this time. Not if I have any control over it. I won’t sit back and let him do this to my sister anymore.
“Hey,” he says into the phone. He tries to turn away from me to speak to her, but I shove his shoulder back against the wall. He winces.
“No, babe,” he says nervously. “I’m at Jaxon’s house.” There’s a long pause while he listens to her speak. “I know that’s what I said, but I lied. That’s why I’m calling. Les, I . . . I think we need some space.”
I shake my head, letting him know that he needs to make it an absolute break-up. I’m not looking for him to give her space. I’m looking for him to give my sister permanent freedom.
He rolls his eyes and flips me off with his free hand. “I’m breaking up with you,” he says flatly. He allows her to talk while he remains silent. The fact that he’s showing no remorse whatsoever proves what a heartless dick he is. My hands are shaking and my chest tightens, knowing exactly what this is doing to Les right now. I hate myself for forcing this to happen, but Les deserves better, even if she doesn’t think she does.
“I’m hanging up now,” he says into the phone.
I shove his head back against the wall and force him to look at me. “Apologize to her,” I say quietly, not wanting her to hear me in the background. He closes his eyes and sighs, then ducks his head.
“I’m sorry, Lesslie. I didn’t want to do this.” He pulls the phone from his ear and abruptly ends the call. He stares at the screen for several seconds. “I hope you’re happy,” he says, looking back up at me. “Because you just broke your sister’s heart.”
That’s the last thing Grayson says to me. My fist meets his jaw twice before he hits the floor. I shake out my hand, back away from him, and make my way to the exit. Before I even reach my car, my phone is buzzing in my back pocket. I pull it out and don’t even look at the screen before answering it.
“Hey,” I say, attempting to control the trembling anger in my voice when I hear her crying on the other end. “I’m on my way, Les. It’ll be okay, I’m on my way.”
• • •
It’s been an entire day since Grayson made the call, but I still feel guilty, so I tack on an extra two miles to my evening run for self-inflicted punishment. Seeing Les torn up like she was last night wasn’t something I had expected. I realize now that having him call her like I did probably wasn’t the best way of handling things, but there’s no way I could just sit back and allow him to dick around on her like he was.
The most unexpected thing about Les’s reaction was that her anger wasn’t solely placed on Grayson. It was as if she was pissed at the entire male population. She kept referring to men as “sick bastards,” pacing her bedroom floor back and forth, while I just sat there and watched her vent. She finally broke down, crawled into bed, and cried herself to sleep. I lay awake, knowing I had a hand in her heartache. I stayed in her room the whole night, partly to make sure she was okay, but mostly because I didn’t want her picking up the phone and calling Grayson in a moment of desperation.
She’s stronger than I give her credit for, though. She didn’t attempt to call him last night and she’s made no attempt to call him today. She didn’t get much sleep last night, so she went to her room before lunch to nap. However, I’ve been pausing outside her bedroom door throughout the day just to make sure I couldn’t hear her on the phone, so I know she hasn’t made any attempts to call him. At least while I’ve been home. In fact, I’m pretty sure the heartless phone call from him last night was exactly what she needed to finally see him for who he really is.
I kick my shoes off at the door and walk to the kitchen to refill my water. It’s Saturday night and I would normally be heading out with Daniel, but I already texted him to let him know I was staying in tonight. Les made me promise I would stay in with her because she didn’t want to go out and chance running into Grayson yet. She’s lucky she’s cool, because I don’t know many seventeen-year-old guys who would give up a Saturday night to watch chick flicks with his heartbroken sister. But then again, most siblings don’t have what Les and I have. I don’t know if our close relationship has anything to do with the fact that we’re t...
Most helpful customer reviews
101 of 116 people found the following review helpful.
Stunning
By Danielle @ What Danielle Did Next
My review of Hopeless is a more balanced review dealing with both the emotion and the plot. This is more a treatise of the effects both Hopeless and Losing Hope had on me as a reader. The plot of Losing Hope is stellar, that is beyond question, the emotion is devastating, the characters unforgettable. The experience...read on -
There was one word that described my experience reading Hopeless and writing its review: Brutal. I didn't think anything could surpass that but Losing Hope has destroyed me. Every emotion that I drowned in whilst reading Sky's story came flooding back and swept me under until by the end I felt like I was gasping for breath and could go on no longer. Needless to say I've pretty much curled up in a ball, trying to think all the happy thoughts since then.
I actually broke down sobbing at the dinner table telling my family about the book and couldn't eat. I'm sobbing now writing this review. I knew it would be affecting after how I let Hopeless in but I honestly didn't think Holder's story would be as brutal and upsetting. To be honest for most of the book I was able to remain at a distance from the story, a curious observer. I knew what was coming so I felt prepared. I could cope with all the shocks, I had cried with Sky, I knew Holder couldn't possibly be worse, after all, he was almost an observer like me right? Wrong.
Holder's grief is palpable. A pulsing entity of pain and sadness from page one. Hoover with an unrelenting pace drags us along with Holder through his sister's suicide, his guilt at not being able to save her, his heart's momentarily leap of optimism when he first meets Sky and believes she is his childhood friend, the doubt that creeps in as he gets to know her and his joy at falling for Sky, his wish that Hope is at peace and that this exceptional young woman is someone he can forge a future with, a future with Sky filled with anticipation and belief in good and not a reminder of HopeLess - a life of regret.
There aren't enough adjectives to describe the roller-coaster of emotional turmoil, happiness, fleeting joy, crushing blows and eventual peace that one experiences reading this book.
The story is familiar but there are small moments, moments where Sky's perception of Holder's actions shaped her story only for us as the readers to discover they were something completely different. At all times his goal was to protect Sky from a pain so immense surely no-one could survive it. Her strength coupled with his love formed a bond stronger than titanium and together they were able to face the horrifying events that tainted their combined pasts. Holder's self-blame is heartbreaking to read and you can't help but sympathise and rejoice as he discovers his own personal form of therapy, writing in his sister's notebook, sharing his thoughts, paving his path to healing with moments of joy mingled with crushing pain. It's gut punching at its best.
The chemistry between Sky and Holder is almost overwhelming when combined with his colliding wishes that she is indeed the friend he has never forgiven himself for losing and his desire that she really is Sky so he can protect her from the inevitable pain of coming to terms with a stolen childhood. It is beyond upsetting as the memories from Hopeless come flooding back and the feeling of helplessness as you watch two people desperately try to survive a pain that cuts deeper than the sharpest knife edge and struggle to endure it and come out the other side with scars that hopefully will heal.
There are moments of light relief which are a welcome distraction but never quite ease the heavy ache in the pit of your stomach. As the book progresses my role as curious observer became a struggle to maintain and then Chapter Forty-seven-and-a-half happened...
Holder says that Devastation is something that should only be allowed to refer to mothers who have lost children - by the end of this chapter I can honestly say that it can be used by readers of this book too. The past that we think we have finally got a grip on, the story we think we know is ripped from our trusting souls and turned completely on its head.
There are no words that can really do this book justice and my paltry attempt above is unworthy but suffice to say the story is one that will never leave me. I ended my review of Hopeless with a sentence that I think is only fitting that it be included as an edited version here too as it truly encapsulates all the FEELS -
This story of Sky and Holder captivated me from the stunning prologue of Hopeless through reveal after reveal after reveal until the ending of Losing Hope when I thought I finally had it all figured out and no way could I be bested again when my knees were taken out from under me and I was once again left me breathless, speechless but thankfully - not hopeless.
41 of 49 people found the following review helpful.
Laugh out loud.
By AR
It took me a few days to finish Losing Hope because life kept getting all up in my damn way. And then I had to take a few more days to reflect. It's one of those books that need reflection, because you just have to find one thing that isn't beautifully perfect.
Which I couldn't do, by the way.
This was definitely a Hoover book. Not only does it completely suck you in, but the words are absolute magic. Somehow, once again, Colleen takes these simple letters and rearranges, bends, and fits them into something that is nothing less than a piece of art.
I'm sort of a self-proclaimed Will lover, or just Slammed in general. I know, you're probably wondering what the hell Will has to do with this. Well, when I read Hopeless I definitely liked it. It was well written, I liked the story, and I could see a few rereads in the future. Losing Hope?
Holy crap.
Sorry Will, you've been moved. Holder has pushed Will out, sat his ass down, and taken camp in that spot. As Holder cracks open his beer and gets comfortable, he's giving Will the "Better luck next time, buddy." look.
I can't wait to finish these next few books I have to read just so I can get back to Holder for another read.
Losing Hope begins with us meeting Holder pre-Sky. It's actually Les who we initially learn about, and Colleen does not waste any time in taking us down a notch. Oh no, this book does not begin on a high note at all. We knew it was going to happen, but damn, woman. Go big or go home, right?
We watch the fallout, and why Holder becomes the person he is. How he was forced to handle the situation, and choices he made, which all lead up to meeting Sky. This isn't short, Colleen takes her time giving us the base to Holder. And those letters? I could not think of a better way to express what needed to be said to the reader. It was heartbreaking, the pain and different stages of coping were evident, and we got the information we needed.
I adored Daniel, Holder's BFF. The way he supported Holder upon returning to school was the best. The students and teachers were unpleasant and Daniel made me laugh. A lot.
So did Holder.
"Every single shelf is stuffed with Les's jeans. They're all folded neatly on the shelves of the refrigerator and it pisses me off because this is where the food should be and I'm ducking hungry."
Okay, so Holder finally meets Sky. I think seeing it all from his perspective actually made the story better. The way he so thoroughly loves her. Takes care of her. Even while dealing with his own steamy pile of crap, he makes hers better.
There are important parts throughout Hopeless that I was dying to see from Holder's POV. Dramatic moments that I can't really put out there without spoiling, but seeing them through Holder? Ohmigod, emotions. Normally, I'd say that is a bad thing, but I couldn't stop reading.
Even the parts that weren't so vital or climatic were better through Holder.
"Right now. She said right now. That's nice because I conveniently don't have any prior engagements right now. I can do right now."
I loved seeing Sky through Holder's eyes. The way he adored and accepted her. Accepted her crazy lifestyle, and no-pregnancy requests by Sky's mom. I think Sky was even funnier from Holder's side,
"Laugh out loud.
She actually typed laugh out loud.
I really do lol, then I put my phone in my pocket and head to my car."
The ending to Losing Hope far exceeds Hopeless, but for a reason. This is Holder's ending, not Sky's. We needed more for Holder to be settled because his story was more deeply tangled. It was brought together beautifully, and ended in the most perfect way.
I wanted to go more in-depth with the story, but I can't without spoiling either Hopeless or Losing Hope. So you'll have to trust me when I say this book is the best yet from Colleen-ducking-Hoover.
Oh, and Colleen? Nice product placement.
Laugh out loud.
51 of 62 people found the following review helpful.
5 Hot For Holder Stars
By Momma Romance
So excuse me while I fangirl just a bit on this because this book was AMAZING!\
I'll be honest, when I first heard that Colleen Hoover was going to do an alternate POV for Hopeless I thought it was a horrible idea. Hopeless was such an amazing book (see my review here) I was really worried that it would be like other POV books that were almost literally the same book rewritten with little tidbits thrown in for the sake of calling in an alternate POV.
But holy wow was I proved wrong! Colleen Hoover found a way to write Dean Holders story without it sounding anything like a copycat of the original book, there is so much in the book that was unexpected. And the way she did it was just genius (you'll see what I mean...but I don't want to give it away!) It was like a brand new book! I was in tears by the 3rd chapter and was immediately reminded why I loved Hopeless so much. Now don't get me wrong, it's an alternate POV so there are plenty of times where the book will coincide with Hopeless but it was written so well that I actually had to double take a few times! The best part was that we finally get answers to some of the questions about Holders life from the first book!
And the ending......OMFG, I totally ugly cried (and I was in the freaking drive-thru!!) but it was the most perfect ending. I easily give Losing Hope 5 stars because I wouldn't change a single thing!
*Note: I received this ARC via NetGalley in return for an honest review*
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